Health Question and Answer Session

Fruits and vegetables

Fruits and vegetables (Photo credit: nutrilover)

The following was sent to my email:

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s
it… Don’t
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like
saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to
live longer?
Take a nap

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a
cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so
you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of
grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio
is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular
exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is:
No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! … Foods are fried these days
in vegetable
oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting
more vegetables
be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another
vegetable!!! It’s the
best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to
me.

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you
may have had
about food and diets.


And remember:

‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to
skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in
the other –
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming :
Woo Hoo, what
a ride!

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