Laughing

I told Santa you were good this year….and he hasn’t stopped laughing since!

Taken from Humor Matters

Ho, Ho, Ho

  • If your left leg was thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?
  • Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
  • Interested in seeing the “North Pole”? (Well, that’s what the Mrs. calls it)
  • The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.
  • What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

Taken from : onelinefun.com

Fighting Fire

My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

— Peter Kay

So They Said

Said one eye to the other: ‘Just between us, there’s something that smells.’

Said one ear to the other: ‘Fancy meeting you on this block!’

Said the big rose to the little rose: ‘Hiya, bud.’

Said the ceiling to the wall: ‘Hold me up, I’m plastered.’

Said the dentist to the patient : ‘The Yanks are coming.’

Said one stocking to another: ‘So long, I gotta run.’

Said the salmon as he took the hook: ‘I’ll get canned for this.’

Said the cub to the north wind: ‘Don’t blow so hard, I’m a little bear.’

— Herbert V Prochnow & Herbert V Prochnow Jr. in Jokes, Quotes & One Liners Volume 2

Uncle Festers Wit of the Day

“Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.”

~ Uncle Festers Wit of the Day

Uncle Festers Wit of the Day

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

~ Uncle Festers Wit of the Day

Uncle Fester’s Wit of the Day

“Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.”

Uncle Fester’s Wit of the Day

“No-one can say the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.”

Uncle Fester’s Wit of the Day

“Instead of Being Born Again, Why Not Just Grow Up?”

Anonymous

“Bureaucrats cut red tape: lengthwise.”